I know some of you are Disney fanboys and fangirls. Some of you are kind of extreme. Raise your hand if you've ever said, "I'll be there in a minute; I'm just reading about the Fantasyland expansion!" Okay, now keep your hand up if you said it to your wife after she said she was going into labor. Uh-huh. That's what I thought.
I need your help.
This blog thing is new. (Hey, watch it over there; that's fresh paint.) I built it because it's boring here in the mountain, but also because I want to bring attention to the stuff in need of fixing around the parks. That's where you come in.
First of all, I need you to tell me what's broken. It's kind of hard for me to check on things, because I can't really leave the mountain, and a yeti of my size tends to get noticed standing in line, no matter how nonchalant I play it.
So you tell me: Stuff you've witnessed, stuff your friends have witnessed, stuff you're reading about on the web. Go to the forums and start a thread for each of the broken things in need of fixing. Or post a comment on my blog posts. You can do it anonymously if you want.
Of course, it's no good tracking what's broken unless we can bring attention to it. So we also need people to show they care. We need to get a lot of people, or we'll just be ignored.
Unfortunately, yetis don't have a lot of friends. As a member of the Mythical Creatures Union, I'm contractually obligated to pose for blurry pictures a few times a year, but I'm not allowed to get out much more than that. It's against Code. Plus, it's hard to have friends over when you live inside a disco. The strobe lights tend to mess with people after a few minutes.
But you Disney geeks out there have friends, right? You know, the ones who can put up with your Disney obsession? (Both of them?) I need you to spread the word about me and tell people to come here and post their support for fixing me. (And all the other stuff, too.) Put it in your sig on those Disney sites you visit, post it on Facebook, or whatever it takes. Tell them they can register for free or sign in with OpenID (Google/Yahoo/etc.) or just post anonymously. I don't care, as long as they voice their support.
Do this for me, and I promise I won't eat you when I'm back to working order.
I may be just a yeti, but even I know that since the Pixar execs came to Disney, a lot of things have been awesome. Not plucking-an-unsuspecting-tourist-out-of-a-passing-train-for-dinner awesome, but awesome nonetheless.
That's why it puzzles so many people to see things like a broken-down yeti in the parks. Who would allow such a thing? Where's John Lasseter? Where's Joe Rohde with his Earrings of Power? What's going on?
Readers, I think I've uncovered the truth, but don't tell anyone I told you. Disney's not actually calling the shots around here anymore.
Once upon a time, Figment was the sweet, lovable Figment of Imagination. What none of us realized was that his pal Dreamfinder was actually the one who kept him in check. When Imagineering shut down the Imagination ride and got rid of Dreamfinder, Figment was inconsolable. And without Dreamfinder around, he went a little crazy.
They tried giving Figment his ride back, but it was too late by then. He'd been turned from the embodiment of childlike wonder into a small purple hoodlum, wreaking havoc on the Imagination Pavilion and destroying everything in sight. You thought Stitch was bad? Be glad Figment didn't take over Alien Encounter. You'd be begging for chili dog smell by the time he was done with you.
My sources tell me that things are only getting worse. Figment's been feeding off of the unused ideas Imagineering was storing up, and he's grown out of control. Literally. He's determined to make Disney pay, so now he's holding management hostage, forcing them to make whatever zany decisions he comes up with. If they refuse, he destroys a World Showcase pavilion.
So don't be too hard on management. It's not their fault. They're just following orders from the dragon with the upside-down house.
Hey, I'm in the news! Apparently, Disney fans are "dismayed" about me. Yeah, well, me too. Do you know how long it's been since I could scratch my own back?
Anyway, it gets boring here in the Forbidden Mountain. I'm bolted here and I can't move a muscle, so I've decided to take up blogging. Thank goodness for dictation programs, because I can't reach the keys.
Maybe if Disney can't fix me, they could set up some kind of remote body for me, like in Avatar. I could wander around the parks as a character while my body's stuck up here, frozen like a banana from one of those ice cream carts. How do people eat those things? Anyway, if they do set up some kind of avatar program for me, I think I want to be Mickey. Or maybe Baloo. Heck, I'd take anyone but Stitch.
In the meantime, I've set up some forums so you all can tell me what's going on around the parks. Plus, you can comment on my posts. It'll be good times.